In his classic book, How To Win Friends And Influence People, Dale Carnegie argues that “the only way on earth to influence other people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it.” Sigmund Freud called it “the desire to be great.” John Dewey, the American philosopher, called it “the desire to be important.” A major part of a leader’s job is to find out what her people (staff/team) want and show them how to get it.
Carnegie continues, “sharp criticisms and rebukes almost invariably end in futility… Hurting people not only does not change them, it is never called for.” Other than resorting to violence or threats (neither one is recommended), “The only way I can get you to do anything is by giving you what you want.”
Back in the 1930s when Carnegie wrote the book, that sort of thinking was quite revolutionary. In fact, Carnegie says in the book that he wrote it because he was unable to find any book on the subject of human relations. As he says in the book, when we realise that some people desire a feeling of importance to the extent that “they actually go insane to get it, imagine what miracle you and I can achieve by giving people honest appreciation this side of insanity.” One benefit of napping is improved short-term memory, which comes in handy for excelling leaders as they remember team members’ names and anecdotes – sincerely showing that you care about your team members.
As Carnegie sums up, “When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity.”
His book has influenced me significantly, and is listed among my favourites in my book.
It is not easy to influence people, however, it is much harder to change people. What do you think?
“Rethink without over-thinking”
GAICD, M.Comp (Monash)
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